Where to Eat, Drink and Unwind? Elvis Knows Best

Elvis Story

There are very few opportunities in life where you get to talk to The King. So, when I saw three beautiful bedazzled jumpsuits glistening under the Fremont Street Experience canopy, I knew I had to find out where these hunks of burning love go to unwind after a long day of pelvic thrusting.

Elvis number one, Incisor Elvis, was missing his top right lateral incisor—which in no way deterred from his striking jawline and perfect hair.  Incisor Elvis likes to kick back with a bourbon and Coke at Atomic Liquor. “It’s wining and dining, baby,” says Elvis. He mentioned the BBQ and ribs they cook on Atomic’s outdoor patio, although I’m pretty sure he was thinking of King’s Sausage. King’s offers polish pierogies and sausages … but hey, if Elvis says it’s BBQ, it’s BBQ.

The firm of Elvis, Elvis and Elvis (Russell Powell, Arturo Morales and C.B. Hilton).

The firm of Elvis, Elvis and Elvis (Russell Powell, Arturo Morales and C.B. Hilton).

Elvis number two, Asics Elvis, was wearing a blue pair of Asics tennis shoes, which were not suede, but blue nonetheless. Asics Elvis likes to make the ladies swoon at Main Street Station’s all-you-can-eat buffet, Garden Court. “But for good prime rib go to Ellis Island,” says Elvis. “$9.99, baby.” (It’s actually $13.99.)

Unfortunately, Asics Elvis prefers to do his drinking outside Downtown, at Hooters. There you’ll find him sipping on Mudslides, or enjoying the occasional gallon jug of “Birth Control”: “It’s got a little bit of everything in it,” he says. “14 different liquors.”

Elvis number three, Hispanic Elvis, likes to venture out of Downtown for Stripburger’s burgers and fries, according to Incisor Elvis. “My friend right here is still learning English,” Incisor Elvis says. (There was no need for him to speak; the charismatic eyes behind the polarized lenses of his aviator shades did all the talking.) Hispanic Elvis’ drink of choice is “Whiskey, baby”—Jack Daniels, to be exact.

I left the Elvii with some valuable advice: “If you’re gonna drink here, do it properly and do it safely, from a plastic cup.” Baby.

PHOTOS BY JESSIE O’BRIEN

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